Because I’m Not Myself, You See (Ariane Beeston, Black Inc.)

Ariane Beeston’s debut, Because I’m Not Myself, You See, chronicles her postpartum psychosis, as a mother and clinical psychologist. The memoir weaves personal experiences with scientific evidence, and makes recommendations for parents and health industries. It not only sheds light on these issues but also makes compelling recommendations both for mothers navigating similar paths and the healthcare settings that serve them. To say it’s eye-opening is an understatement. Beeston brings us into the ‘intense isolation of motherhood’ and to the edge of her sanity. Shortly after giving birth to her child, Henry, Beeston begins to hallucinate. She thinks her baby is a dragon. Her partner thinks she is using a metaphor, but for Beeston, delusions tighten their grip. Like many of the one-in-five mothers affected by perinatal depression and anxiety, Beeston is only able to reach the ‘limited antenatal care’ when it is too late. Because I’m Not Myself, You See takes readers inside one of Sydney’s only mother-and-baby psychiatric facilities and through the thick of appointments, medication and (lack of) resources following Beeston’s stay. Generous and vulnerable, Beeston writes candidly, as nothing can be more exposing than ‘failing as a mother’ (her words in the thick of it) and disconnecting from reality during what she wanted to be the ‘happiest moment of her life’. Like Isabelle Oderberg’s Hard to Bear, Beeston has cast a spotlight on an unspoken ‘women’s issue’ in a book that could be lifesaving when it falls into the right hands.

Books+Publishing reviewer: Emily Westmoreland is the Program Director of Willy Lit Fest, the founder of Dinner Party Press and part of the prize-team behind the Desperate Literature Short Fiction Prize. She works as a bookseller by day. Books+Publishing is Australia’s number-one source of pre-publication book reviews.

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